Wildchild, that's pretty much how my weekend went, only I think my horribleness was mainly not wanting the binge to end and being evil to those that cared and we're trying to save me. All sorts of irrational assumptions are coming to mind it's crazy... Even though I was with friends (loosely used) all evening and know I didn't do anything terrible until my family picked me up, I am still getting paranoid! Terrible times but trying to forgive myself is what I need to do and so do you. Realise both of us have too that the common denominator is drink. How it's legal I will never know. However we have a choice and for today mine is not to drink. Taking this day at a time again. Must be strong!