Hello Eliasson ,
you sound from your post quite isolated .
Alcohol always made me look to the darker side and reject people so i'd be in isolation .
There is AA to go to for fellowship , I don't know your part of the world but are there womens meetings and support groups you can find to go to ?
When i drank i'd stay stuck and things seemed bleak .
take small daily steps forwards, its scary but you can do it
I assume you've got two hands and a head ( there are people who've done sobriety and life with less) ,
poverty is a hard grind but life is still worthwhile and you can make a real difference to your life and others lives , especially if you choose to get and keep sober.
bestwishes, m