Notices

I didnt make it

Old 04-23-2016, 09:55 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Corinth, TX
Posts: 490
I didnt make it

Again. I'm married to someone I love but who is so different from me in every way. Who leads me down every awful path but I follow in my desperate need to be loved and not be alone or left living on the street. I disagree with every value he stands for. Or rather, I agree with the value, but not his ignorant stance and judgment of others while touting himself as holier than thou. Every fiber in my being screams against the beliefs he holds and the ignorance he projects.
But sometimes he is good. Enough. And always I hate myself almost enough to end my life. So I end up believing and following him, because to me my only other choice is poverty. Or death. I know it sounds dramatic but it is not. I don't know how to be true to myself. I don't know how to survive. I don't know if I care anymore. And no matter how hard I try I can't stay sober.
Eliasson is offline  
Old 04-23-2016, 11:02 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,052
I'm sorry you're in a miserable situation Eliasson

I don't know what the solution is there - but I do know you're less and less likely to find one the longer you turn to drinking to cope.

what about building up a support network to turn to? Eevn if it's just a monthly thread here?

It could be the very first step in an independent life?

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 04-24-2016, 12:19 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
That bell or bike person
 
mecanix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Hello Eliasson ,
you sound from your post quite isolated .

Alcohol always made me look to the darker side and reject people so i'd be in isolation .

There is AA to go to for fellowship , I don't know your part of the world but are there womens meetings and support groups you can find to go to ?

When i drank i'd stay stuck and things seemed bleak .
take small daily steps forwards, its scary but you can do it
I assume you've got two hands and a head ( there are people who've done sobriety and life with less) ,

poverty is a hard grind but life is still worthwhile and you can make a real difference to your life and others lives , especially if you choose to get and keep sober.

bestwishes, m
mecanix is offline  
Old 04-24-2016, 02:40 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Eliasson I don't think you should ever stop trying to reach & stay sober Rome wasn't built in a day & every day is a new day
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 04-24-2016, 03:01 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Steely's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,281
A women's meeting does sound like a good idea Eliasson.

There is also a "women only" thread here on SR. Good to talk with other women who understand.

You might also like to look at the "Friends and Family" thread where I'm sure you will be able to talk with others about the problems you are facing in your relationship.

Being economically dependent on another person is really demoralising but by becoming sober and reaching for support in the right places you will find ways that you did not think possible to extract yourself from what now seems an impossible situation.

Getting sober will give you the strength to make positive decisions about your life. You CAN be free.
Steely is online now  
Old 04-24-2016, 03:05 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
ALinNS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Tough situation, I concur getting and staying allows the fog to lift so we can take a hard look at the situation(s) we find ourselves in, although I may be a guy I know where you are coming from as I found myself in a similar situation years ago and it's really hard.

Wishing you the best
Andrew
ALinNS is offline  
Old 04-24-2016, 05:31 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
soberclover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Don't give up....ever.
soberclover is offline  
Old 04-24-2016, 05:34 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,373
Don't give up--
Have you thought about getting out to a Women's shelter and getting a new start?
This person's negative energy is sapping your life, and you need distance to find yourself again.
If things are bad enough to contemplate suicide, you need to get out of that situation right away.

You can make a new life for yourself without alcohol, and learn to love yourself
as you deserve.
Hawkeye13 is offline  
Old 04-24-2016, 06:03 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
FLCamper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 874
I can't add anything to what has already been said.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Do not give up. Just make it through one day.
My best thoughts your way.
FLCamper is offline  
Old 04-24-2016, 07:08 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
strategery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
I don't think it's true that you can't stay sober Eliasson. You were sober for 3 months. You can let this just be a blip in your sobriety journey and start again. You already know what the alternatives are. I hope you start again today.
strategery is offline  
Old 04-24-2016, 07:12 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Guest
 
graced333's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 414
Hi - I understand what you are going through and am right there with you. You don't have to drink anymore. We can do this!
graced333 is offline  
Old 04-24-2016, 07:29 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Blue Belt
 
D122y's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Eliasson,

If your man provides for you then that is a plus.

If he is abusive, it is a minus or worse.

Mental abuse might be as bad a physical, but it depends.

My wife can be mentally abusive at times. But, I stand up to her and she backs off.

She gets over my rebellion quickly. She tends to not dwell too much. That is a plus.
I am learning to do that too. Dwelling on what is over is not the answer. Right?

I do not know how old you are, or your life experiences so I offer to focus on the present and plan for the future.

Start saving some money, do some excercise, take care of your home. Stuff like that.

Now that you are drinking again, they tell me it is harder to stop. I know what you feel. After 3 months clean you needed that buzz. Then the physical addiction got you again.

When you crave booze, eat something sweet. Try to stay full. The crave will stop.

In closing here, if you have tried everything and it did not work, try God.

Google..the Lord's Prayer....say it to yourself.

Then ask God to help you. He will.

If you are not being helped by God, the other guy has control of you.

Hence, the hell on earth feelings.

Sincerely,

D122y is offline  
Old 04-24-2016, 07:30 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
aasharon90's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,201
Strength and support come in numbers.

All of us living a life in recovery are
here to help each other as we travel
our road of recovery to achieve health
and happiness. No one we want to leave
alone by the waste side.

Talk to us and never let go of the
hands that hold on to you. We have
you.

Listen, learn, absorb and apply
a program of recovery to strengthen
a new strong solid foundation to live
your life upon for one day at a t time
you remain sober.
aasharon90 is online now  
Old 04-24-2016, 08:06 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
IronPhoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 376
good enough sounds like complacency or settling.

If that is your goal, so be it. However I bet you want something more and you are going to have to dig deep, get a plan together, and work your plan to reach your desired goals for sobriety and relationships.
IronPhoenix is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:53 AM.