Fan,
Welcome sir.
We all can relate from our angles..
Here is my .02 $....
Because you were a calm drunk, smart, and/or lucky....you were able drink your body into a state of horrible health.
It probably took a good 10 years of heavy boozing.
There is no mystery or trick to getting off booze. No magic pills. Anti d.s are used by many here. Not me. Drug free here. My job would not allow it.
You are an addict. Call it alcoholism if you want. You are addicted physically and mentally to alcohol. Just like a crack head. You are a drug addict.
Your brain is deeply damaged. Brain damage. The booze dulls receptors. When the booze goes away, the receptors freak out. Hense the crave, anxiety, nervous, paranoia, voices, creepy crawlies....etc etc etc...
Currently you are physicallyand mentally addicted. Stay clean for a month and you will be just mentally addicted. Your brain will take many months to normalize.
You will have to re learn how to live....happily....w out booze. Otherwise...misery and....relapse. AA is a great place if you need f2f support. I did all my therepy here at SR.
This place saved my life. I work out and do life sober. It is different. Scary at first, but now I feel a sense of confidence because I know what I went through and I know I am super clean.
Get clean. Make some life adjustments. Stay clean.