Notices

My story.

Old 04-16-2016, 06:12 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 21
My story.

Hello All,

I found this site and thought i would share my story as i'm struggling like many of you are to stay sober. It's hard to point where my addiction comes from. I had a happy childhood, great supportive parents, close with my brothers. I played on all the sports team, got good grades and went t University and graduated and found a decent job after.

Like most highschool students i drank at parties, experimented with the occasional drug...nothing different then all my friends. When i got to University it was a big party school and we often went out 4x a week at least and i always just figured once i finished University i would stop drinking. Drinking was fun, and that's what pretty much everyone did at school..but i was always willing to go out with whoever was down for some drinking.

School finished and i moved in with my girlfriend (not ex) that i met in University and started drinking a micky of whisky and 2 tall boys every night. My ex was okay with it, i'm a very calm drinker, i would watch tv and drink and once i was finished i would chug a bunch of water and i never had hangovers and was always ok for work the next. Weekends i could drink a whole bottle of whatever - mostly whisky. I knew this was not normal though since it was not impacting my relationship or work it was hard to find a reason to stop. I finally decided i needed to reason to stop because i had gained so much weight...i figured if i found out i had health problems it would motivate me to stop. I went for the typical physical and did a blood test and the doctor noticed my liver emzynes were quite high so he ordered an ultrasound on my liver and told me to change my diet and lose weight...i never went.

I continued to drink and this started causing issues in my relationship because now my ex knew it was damaging my body and still would not stop. She left me....

Drinking started getting worse...would put vodka in flav water bottles at work and drink them in the bathroom, outside, cafe..wherever. It was out of control and i needed help. Told my parents, called my employee assistance helpline and they set me up with a therapist. Saw the therapist who i told about my life and she called my childhood a "beaver cleaver" or something dumb childhood and that i was easy, because i knew i had a problem and it was just fixing it...saw her twice and on the third session she did not show up and never saw her again.

Next step was seeing an addiction specialist doctor who was known to prescribe antibuse...i read about it and it gave me hope. Took a month to get an appointment but i felt hope and kept drinking in anticipation that once i got on that pill it would force me to stop.

Saw the doctor who ordered more blood tests and said my liver enzymes were wayy too high and he could not prescribe it and i should not even take Tylenol..i kept drinking.

Things got so bad 2 weeks ago, missed the entire week of work and called my parents in a drunken stupor who came picked me up, took me to the hospital who gave me some anti anxiety meds and parents called every rehab place they could and were willing to pay 16k to have me admitted. Could not do that to my parents... Made a deal they would drive me to work and pick me up everyday and parents took my wallet.

Today was my first day walking home from work, as always i walked past the liquor store and it took all my strength not to walk in. I have now been without a drink for 7 days.

The urges are unbearable and even as i write this....i just want a drink. Alcoholism runs in my family, but not immediate family and it's the only thing i can think of...of why i have this disease.

Tomorrow will not be easy.
Fancave is offline  
Old 04-16-2016, 06:16 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
yinzer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 780
Congrats on a week! It isn't easy but it will get easier and it's worth it.
yinzer is offline  
Old 04-16-2016, 06:23 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 2
Hang in there and it will improve. I'm at day 113 and if I can do it any one can....
JIBJIB is offline  
Old 04-16-2016, 06:26 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Notimetoloose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Congratulations on one week. The early weeks can be tough and difficult. It will get easier!
This is a great place for support and finding others who understand what you are working through.
Notimetoloose is offline  
Old 04-16-2016, 07:13 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Delizadee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Good job on one week! This is a great place to hang out and be sober lots of good support and great info on here!
Delizadee is offline  
Old 04-16-2016, 07:55 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
HeartsAfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
Welcome to the family. We understand you like no other - you are not alone. Stay close & we can help you thru this.
HeartsAfire is offline  
Old 04-16-2016, 08:16 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Dave42001's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Nice job on your week! It is hard but it can be done!! Booze is poison!! The stuff will kill you!! Get some help please!! Find a support group there are many out there. I attend AA, it works for me.. Wishing you the best!!
Dave42001 is offline  
Old 04-17-2016, 01:31 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,671
Welcome to SR. I hope the support here can help you stay sober for good.
least is offline  
Old 04-17-2016, 04:44 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome Fancave
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 04-17-2016, 07:02 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 27
Welcome Fancave. Your story has resonated with me .My brain and body have no reason to be addicted to alcohol when I try to reason with "why"? Grew up in a nice family , went to school had wonderful friends. I also partake in socializing and drinking with friends. To enjoy their company not to start havoc. Fast forward emergency rooms , drinking alone , drinking during work, relationships ending because of booze. Watching as my parents would do anything to take this affliction away me. Alcohol when I put in my system creates chemistry that lights up certain parts of my brain and sends signals to my body. My brain does not recieve the danger warning that's part of human nature. I get very sick and my brain is numb the memory is the soothing affect of alcohol. Like a big slice of choc cake so sweet and delicious my taste buds and brain feel pleasure. Luckily I start getting full the taste dulls and my brain shuts off the initial sweetness and feels uncomfortable to eat 7 more slices. My brain does not work this way with alcohol . I have no shut off. I am so glad you are taking care of yourself. It will get easier and you will have a wonderful do not let alcohol rob you of that. Could you find a supportive recovery group in your town. Stay close to this board. I pay close attention to my cravings how I am really feeling. I find when I am exhilarated in any way happy angry excited etc. my brain is lighting up that part of my alcoholic brain that says feed me. I know alcohol is a depressant so the exhilaration was "grounded" with a drink that turned into no stopping. I went to my dr and was put on a low grade mild non-addictive anti anxiety helps me wonders. Keep posting. You are not alone

Last edited by Lockie; 04-17-2016 at 07:11 AM. Reason: Typo
Lockie is offline  
Old 04-17-2016, 07:11 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,328
Welcome and I'm glad you've made it through your first week.
Anna is online now  
Old 04-17-2016, 07:24 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Delilah1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,021
Welcome to SR, and congratulations on a week sober!! It is wonderful that you have the support of family, and SR is a wonderful support as well. You should join the April class, you will have a group of people who quit drinking this month just like you.

Also, at some point you should follow up with your doctor, it may be scary, but it is important to know if there is anything you need to be doing in addition to not drinking.

Glad you are here.

❤️ Delilah
Delilah1 is offline  
Old 04-17-2016, 07:39 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
RDBplus3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
Hello Fancave,
A suggestion that helped me ...
Do a Web Search for Recovery Speaker messages. There are many out there, and most are free. Especially look for messages based on the 12 Steps, and start with Step 1 messages and continue thru Step 12. Listen to a few different messages on each Step.

Another excellent set of Recovery messages is the Joe & Charlie Big Book study. It is a collection of messages, in order, and is available thru this link. You can listen thru your computer, or download and place on a USB Flash Drive or Burn to CD's.
Click the link, it is Free:
Joe & Charlie Big Book Study

It was a lot of dedicated work for me to get FREE, and to stay FREE, and it is SO worth it. Also ... KEEP DOING THE WORK, EVEN IF YOU CANNOT STOP DRINKING ... KEEP DOING THE WORK. It is like a balance scale - right now the balance scale is weighted down with Mt Everest size obsessions and cravings to drink. By continuing to DO THE WORK I kept tossing spoonfuls, then shovelfuls, then Backhoe scoops-full, of offsetting weight onto the Recovery side of the Scale. NEVER GIVE UP, even if still in active drinking, the Scales WILL tip, and a glimpse will appear of the MIRACLE of Sobriety and FREEDOM, and it will continue by continually DOING THE WORK ... and the Prayers, and the quiet-mind Meditation.

Another excellent web link for a Step-guided short Meditation. Click the link below .. go to Juanita U, A Guided Meditation from Steps 10 & 11 .. click Download:
Stories of Recovery

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2
RDBplus3 is offline  
Old 04-17-2016, 07:45 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Steely's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,272
It's really worth it Fancave. Welcome.
Steely is offline  
Old 04-17-2016, 08:13 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Magsie
 
Mags1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,509
Hi and welcome Fancave.
Mags1 is offline  
Old 04-17-2016, 08:17 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Blue Belt
 
D122y's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Fan,

Welcome sir.

We all can relate from our angles..

Here is my .02 $....

Because you were a calm drunk, smart, and/or lucky....you were able drink your body into a state of horrible health.

It probably took a good 10 years of heavy boozing.

There is no mystery or trick to getting off booze. No magic pills. Anti d.s are used by many here. Not me. Drug free here. My job would not allow it.

You are an addict. Call it alcoholism if you want. You are addicted physically and mentally to alcohol. Just like a crack head. You are a drug addict.

Your brain is deeply damaged. Brain damage. The booze dulls receptors. When the booze goes away, the receptors freak out. Hense the crave, anxiety, nervous, paranoia, voices, creepy crawlies....etc etc etc...

Currently you are physicallyand mentally addicted. Stay clean for a month and you will be just mentally addicted. Your brain will take many months to normalize.

You will have to re learn how to live....happily....w out booze. Otherwise...misery and....relapse. AA is a great place if you need f2f support. I did all my therepy here at SR.

This place saved my life. I work out and do life sober. It is different. Scary at first, but now I feel a sense of confidence because I know what I went through and I know I am super clean.

Get clean. Make some life adjustments. Stay clean.
D122y is offline  
Old 04-17-2016, 10:05 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Stay close to SR fancave. So many great people here. Good job on 7 days. Your health should also improve (thankfully).
thomas11 is offline  
Old 04-17-2016, 02:21 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
Welcome fancave - hows it going so far?

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 04-17-2016, 07:53 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 21
Day 8 is pretty much over! Still sober!
Fancave is offline  
Old 04-17-2016, 11:22 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Brother of the Wolf
 
SweatyHands's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
I came to the conclusion that it doesn't matter why I drank. The reason is completely secondary to the reason that I'm not drinking. The reason that I'm not drinking is that I want to be sober. So for the sake of simplicity, I'll just assume that the reason I drank is that I wanted to be drunk.
SweatyHands is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:36 AM.