Welcome Fancave. Your story has resonated with me .My brain and body have no reason to be addicted to alcohol when I try to reason with "why"? Grew up in a nice family , went to school had wonderful friends. I also partake in socializing and drinking with friends. To enjoy their company not to start havoc. Fast forward emergency rooms , drinking alone , drinking during work, relationships ending because of booze. Watching as my parents would do anything to take this affliction away me. Alcohol when I put in my system creates chemistry that lights up certain parts of my brain and sends signals to my body. My brain does not recieve the danger warning that's part of human nature. I get very sick and my brain is numb the memory is the soothing affect of alcohol. Like a big slice of choc cake so sweet and delicious my taste buds and brain feel pleasure. Luckily I start getting full the taste dulls and my brain shuts off the initial sweetness and feels uncomfortable to eat 7 more slices. My brain does not work this way with alcohol . I have no shut off. I am so glad you are taking care of yourself. It will get easier and you will have a wonderful do not let alcohol rob you of that. Could you find a supportive recovery group in your town. Stay close to this board. I pay close attention to my cravings how I am really feeling. I find when I am exhilarated in any way happy angry excited etc. my brain is lighting up that part of my alcoholic brain that says feed me. I know alcohol is a depressant so the exhilaration was "grounded" with a drink that turned into no stopping. I went to my dr and was put on a low grade mild non-addictive anti anxiety helps me wonders. Keep posting. You are not alone
