My story.
Hello All,
I found this site and thought i would share my story as i'm struggling like many of you are to stay sober. It's hard to point where my addiction comes from. I had a happy childhood, great supportive parents, close with my brothers. I played on all the sports team, got good grades and went t University and graduated and found a decent job after.
Like most highschool students i drank at parties, experimented with the occasional drug...nothing different then all my friends. When i got to University it was a big party school and we often went out 4x a week at least and i always just figured once i finished University i would stop drinking. Drinking was fun, and that's what pretty much everyone did at school..but i was always willing to go out with whoever was down for some drinking.
School finished and i moved in with my girlfriend (not ex) that i met in University and started drinking a micky of whisky and 2 tall boys every night. My ex was okay with it, i'm a very calm drinker, i would watch tv and drink and once i was finished i would chug a bunch of water and i never had hangovers and was always ok for work the next. Weekends i could drink a whole bottle of whatever - mostly whisky. I knew this was not normal though since it was not impacting my relationship or work it was hard to find a reason to stop. I finally decided i needed to reason to stop because i had gained so much weight...i figured if i found out i had health problems it would motivate me to stop. I went for the typical physical and did a blood test and the doctor noticed my liver emzynes were quite high so he ordered an ultrasound on my liver and told me to change my diet and lose weight...i never went.
I continued to drink and this started causing issues in my relationship because now my ex knew it was damaging my body and still would not stop. She left me....
Drinking started getting worse...would put vodka in flav water bottles at work and drink them in the bathroom, outside, cafe..wherever. It was out of control and i needed help. Told my parents, called my employee assistance helpline and they set me up with a therapist. Saw the therapist who i told about my life and she called my childhood a "beaver cleaver" or something dumb childhood and that i was easy, because i knew i had a problem and it was just fixing it...saw her twice and on the third session she did not show up and never saw her again.
Next step was seeing an addiction specialist doctor who was known to prescribe antibuse...i read about it and it gave me hope. Took a month to get an appointment but i felt hope and kept drinking in anticipation that once i got on that pill it would force me to stop.
Saw the doctor who ordered more blood tests and said my liver enzymes were wayy too high and he could not prescribe it and i should not even take Tylenol..i kept drinking.
Things got so bad 2 weeks ago, missed the entire week of work and called my parents in a drunken stupor who came picked me up, took me to the hospital who gave me some anti anxiety meds and parents called every rehab place they could and were willing to pay 16k to have me admitted. Could not do that to my parents... Made a deal they would drive me to work and pick me up everyday and parents took my wallet.
Today was my first day walking home from work, as always i walked past the liquor store and it took all my strength not to walk in. I have now been without a drink for 7 days.
The urges are unbearable and even as i write this....i just want a drink. Alcoholism runs in my family, but not immediate family and it's the only thing i can think of...of why i have this disease.
Tomorrow will not be easy.