Originally Posted by
Peaches15 
Hi B,
'What's wrong with me'
I use to ask myself the same question, I still do. My partner of 8 years started injecting meth around 3.5 years ago and our life spiralled down hill very, very fast. I tried to 'save' him and lost myself doing it. i would swap between feeling angry, scared, sad, furious, hopefully, terrified, happy, anxious, etc. I guess I got use to the craziness. I felt trapped, and then eventually I felt numb. I was always tired, doing everything, and being the sole carer of our 2 children. I cut myself off from everyone and lived a miserable life. I couldn't see an escape. I lived day to day.
Wow! Everything you have just said is my life right now. He uses our children as a weapon against me. Our 7 year old idolizes his dad, but dad can be super happy fun guy when he is actually present (probably because he is high). It kills me to know that my kids are going to suffer, but you give me hope that it will get better for them.
My family and I are extremely close, and they have been pushing me to finally end it. They have tried and tried to help him in the past, more so than his own family, but they are done. My parents feel like they are losing a son. I really have no friends anymore, because I am ashamed. I thought that I have been protecting his reputation, but I think anyone that actually looks at him knows something is wrong. He is 5'9 and weighs about 125 pounds. His father's side of the family would actually help him, but they believe in tough love and he has just shut them out at this point. His mother has always played mind games with him and doesn't help the situation. My family and I are all he has now. It is hard to just turn my back on him, but I'm starting to think that all I'm doing is enabling him.
What Chino said yesterday really hit home with me. I can still love him, but I don't have to live with him and his addiction anymore.