Thank you for the advice. I really need to hear those words and carry through with it. I know it is delusional to think that he will do the right things. I just get stuck in the hope that this time will be the time that actually works. He makes me feel so guilty, but he isn't really doing anything to get better. He refuses rehab, but it is so hard to throw away 20 years of marriage even though I know it is the right thing to do. He makes me feel like I'm a horrible person because I don't love him unconditionally. Just so incredibly hard.