Hmmm.
"Pushing someone else's buttons", especially when it is on purpose is a passive aggressive thing, I think...If you call them on it they can always resort to: "You shouldn't let it get to you. What's your problem?" This is a game that family members seem to pull a lot and because they are your family and know you so well, they likely know just what buttons to push and how.
I wish you luck in trying to set healthy boundaries. Sometimes what holds us back from doing just that is we are afraid of alienating them from us. So, that can be a calculated risk, and only you can decide how you want to go about it because it's your family that you've got to deal with. It is rather sad when you come to a realization that your very own family can be toxic. But that may the reality and could have an affect on your health, happiness, and sobriety. They need to let you walk your walk in the way you need to and understand that you may not do it the way they have done it, but each individual is different and what has worked for them may not work for you. There are a LOT of folks who can quit drinking , not drink or have never had a problem with alcohol...that certainly doesn't mean they've got it all figured out. Boundary issues ARE tough with family because you love them and they know that and they think you'll "always be there regardless" just because you are family.