Originally Posted by
wanttobehealthy 
I am a little scared of his capacity for doing more than just blustering but I sleep with my phone next to me (carry over from years of his abuse here) and will not hesitate to call 911 if I hear anything odd...
Do you have an alarm on your car? If so, sleep with the key fob next to you when you sleep too. You can set that thing off in seconds & make a heckofalot of noise & wake the neighborhood up.
Originally Posted by
wanttobehealthy Why didn't I think of this sooner???? ............ Being afraid EVERY.SINGLE.DAY for years is a lot....
Isn't it incredible how hard it is to think logically in a FOG/PTSD state? You are making big, big strides here recovery-wise WTBH & it is giving you the mental distance/shift of perspective you needed.
This is an AWESOME plan. It's about dang time that the laws in your state started to work FOR your favor.
Originally Posted by
wanttobehealthy I think that I was afraid to change the dynamic... at least when he's in touch all the time and being an a$$, I know what to expect... I think I was oddly anxious about what changing that would mean...
I call this a Comfortable Rut, lol.
Originally Posted by
wanttobehealthy Even today, all these years later, when I am thinking I have a lot of stuff figured out, it's clear I have a long way to go.
Yeah, I've just stopped expecting to ever BE done. Every. single. time. that I think I have "just a little" something to clean up internally, it ends up taking me down an entirely new roller-coaster ride that I've never even stopped to consider. I once told a friend that it was like opening up a door expecting to see a closet & finding a hallway to an entirely different wing of the house that you never knew existed.... and it's cluttered & needs a very deep cleaning. A few hours work just turned into a huge commitment.
Originally Posted by
wanttobehealthy I'm standing up for myself in the here and now but I think I am also standing up for my childhood self and for girls in their younger years.
For all the times I did NOT stand up when I wish I had, or when I tried to and failed, I am doing so now..
YESSSSSSSS!!! You GO, Warrior Woman!!!! (Safely! listen to Lexi & dandy, lol)
Originally Posted by
wanttobehealthy Maybe I should thank (just kidding!!!!) xAH for finally being a big enough d-bag that it catapulted me out of fear and anxiety and into action.
Yep, not a bad idea honestly. Now, he won't RECEIVE that thanks/kindness/whatever because he repels it from him, but that's HIS choice, ya know? That doesn't stop YOU from having gratitude & expressing it to the universe. I have said it more than once, if not for RAH's issues, I would likely have never gotten into my ACoA healing.... and THAT was my bigger, deeper issue for sure.
I am SO happy to see these updates, you are making LOTS of lemonade now!
Stay safe, stay strong!!!!
