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Latest Quack but it's scaring me

Old 04-10-2016, 02:09 PM
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Latest Quack but it's scaring me

I am sure this is alcohol fueled, and the rage is now coming out bc of my holding him accountable...

This tactic though, of alleging I am harming our kids, is a new one... And as someone whose mother DID abuse me, it makes me very very very unsettled to be accused of that.

Email I received a bit ago from crazy xAH.

Clearly I am not replying... But it has upset me...

xAH is a heavy smoker and it is an issue due to DD8's asthma. I do not smoke. Just an aside since he includes a crazy reference to that in here...He has evidently called the kids therapist to report me to her... The math hw "abuse" was that I made DD10 finish her homework before I dropped her with him for a visit. She still went on time with him but I did make her do the homework first.

WTBH, please be kind to DD10. She knows u do not love her. U treat her with hate and hurt her and I need to protect her. I'm begging u. Please. What happened two or three weeks ago w the math HW and u abusing her, I made (kids therapist) aware of. U r abusing her. It MUST STOP NOW. Eat something, take a break, but don't do that again. Please. I'm begging u. These r ur daughters for gods sake. It's their well being. It's their future that we impact w every moment. Will u please eat something, take a break, go have a cigarette if that's what it takes, and not let that happen again? I'm serious WTBH. U r a mentally unstable woman. U r borderline and psychotc and u need serious help. I think that the girls need 2 live with me and are unsafe with you. I will b having (former attorney) sign on again to get the girls away from u. U brought this on urself.
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Old 04-10-2016, 02:23 PM
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wantobehealthy.....these are the rantings of a crazy man. Be sure to save copies for your lawyer, the court, your therapist...and anyone else who needs to know.
I'll bet the kids m ilk money that he didn't call your lawyer.
He is a small duck quacking and flapping it's wings.

Do you have any mental exercises or self-soothing methods to abort your anxiety (and ptsd?) when he pulls your chain?

I, seriously, think that you may need to think about having another party screen all of your e-mails prior to your seeing them......

It is so obvious that he know what "scares" you and he is just laying on the buttons.....

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Old 04-10-2016, 02:34 PM
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Why does he keep saying to EAT something? What a weirdo. He's certainly going to an all time low pushing your hottest buttons possible. What's next? Claiming sexual abuse? Lawyer up and go after HIS jugular.
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Old 04-10-2016, 02:54 PM
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I do need someone else to screen these...

He just crossed a new low. Im not afraid he will do anything with these threats-- it just has hit me, deep inside, and I hurt. I should not have read this. I am in tears.

When I was a kid, high school age, I went to visit my dad after my parents divorced and my mom was ENRAGED and told me I was not loyal (all bc I went to visit my dad).

I came home 2 days later to being locked out of her house and all my things in trash bags on the front lawn. xAH knows this... of course...

He just sent me this email telling me he suspects I will do this to DD10 when she chooses to go live with him and telling me that I deserved to be rejected by my own mom back then.

He constantly tells me to "eat something" because 20+ years ago I suffered from anorexia.

I don't anymore and haven't since I met him.

But it's one of the few things he throws at me to be cruel.

I'm embarrassed by that fact, and he likens his alcoholism to my long ago eating disorder I guess?

WTBH please get help. Eat something, get help... Hell, I will help u. I will find u a hospital. U need long term inpatient. I will make u get it. I'm serious and genuine. Please be productive, and we can work this out. If not, I will seek help for u. Decide wisely.

WTBH, don't u remember when u spent time w ur dad, and when u came back, ur mom put ALL of your belongings on the side of the road? All in garbage bags, and when u came "home", that's what u got? That is what u will do to DD10. She wants to leave u. She hates you. WTBH u have been rejected again. Don't u c that no one loves you or wants you? How heart wrenching that was for u when u were a kid and u will do it to DD10. I'm tearing up just recalling it. U r damaged goods WTBH. ****, I recall having a conversation about this w (my brother) and him getting emotional. Ur whole family knew u r damaged even then and not wanted.

WTBH, u need help to stop the cycle. I'm begging you. Be kind to the girls. Tell them u love them. Laugh w them. HUG THEM. Love them. Show them, and let them feel that u love them. Come on WTBH. Kids need hugs. Please WTBH, give the girls hugs, real heart felt hugs, they need ur love. U r cold hearted and hateful. U should never have been a mom. I will fix this.
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:01 PM
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What an abusive @$$hole he is.
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:06 PM
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Sorry to be using this as therapy-- I just was sobbing and didn't know who else to tell who could understand and appreciate why this is so awful...

Guess I should have seen this coming... This is just a whole new f'ing low.

Even for him.

And that's saying a lot.
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:06 PM
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Every word of this can be translated to- I'm drunk, narcissistic and mad about the four grand I just had to cough up. Plus he failed to bully you about claiming your DD on taxes. He's trying to punish you for standing up to him. I hope he does send crazy emails to everyone he mentioned. It will save you the trouble. I know how hard it is to deal with when you're in the middle of it, but all of his ranting just makes an objective observer question his mental health. It is truly bizarre.
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:07 PM
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wantobehealthy.....that is awful that those horrible things happened to you.....it was wrong and you were just a kid and did not deserve any of that. I am soo sorry.....

He is cruel and abusive to you....you m ust not let yourself be subjected to these abusive texts, any longer.....
I know that others on SR have had to have their e-mails screened....so, I think you should find some way to do that.....
Be sure to have all of them saved as evidence....

You ARE NOT your mother! You are a totally separate person.
When you have these disturbing feelings/thoughts.....grab a pen and paper and write all the positive things about yourself that you can think of....
Reinforce your own positive self-identity.....try it....
Replace the wrong things that he has said with the TRUE reality....

This may be a redundant question....but, have you ever h ad ongoing therapy for abuse? If not....you certainly need that kind of support...like now!

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Old 04-10-2016, 03:08 PM
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He is a piece of work. A piece of work.
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:09 PM
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As soon as your lawyer's office opens tomorrow, get these to her.

He's a truly nasty, sociopathic, nightmare. You're not responding, right? Because this sounds like escalation trying to get any reaction from you.

I'm so sorry. No one should have to put up with that.
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:13 PM
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Oh my GOD. What a dick! Yes, I think it is time to have someone screen your emails from him, just saving them into a "Crazy A$$hole Ranting" folder or something and passing along anything that you need to know to you separately. You will probably need these emails as ammo in the future, but you shouldn't have to subject yourself to that. How awful. I'm so sorry.

You are doing great BTW - I admire your courage in standing up to him.
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:13 PM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
wantobehealthy.....that is awful that those horrible things happened to you.....it was wrong and you were just a kid and did not deserve any of that. I am soo sorry.....

He is cruel and abusive to you....you m ust not let yourself be subjected to these abusive texts, any longer.....
I know that others on SR have had to have their e-mails screened....so, I think you should find some way to do that.....
Be sure to have all of them saved as evidence....

You ARE NOT your mother! You are a totally separate person.
When you have these disturbing feelings/thoughts.....grab a pen and paper and write all the positive things about yourself that you can think of....
Reinforce your own positive self-identity.....try it....
Replace the wrong things that he has said with the TRUE reality....

This may be a redundant question....but, have you ever h ad ongoing therapy for abuse? If not....you certainly need that kind of support...like now!

dandylion
My DEEPEST fear is that I WILL be my mom-- that I might have that genetic disposition-- I am hyper conscious of my reactions to things with my kids all the time and have had a hard time setting firm limits with them because xAH claims I "abuse" them (even when we were married) if I would say no...

So, he of course is playing on what he KNOWS my deepest fears are...

DD10 definitely tries to play good cop/bad cop and undoubtedly complains about me to her dad... In fact she has hinted at the fact that he's a lot nicer to her when she tells him "bad" things about me...

So he's made his affection for her contingent on her complaining about me?!?!?! Insane right?

I need to not read his emails anymore-- that's for sure...

I know, logically, that he's drunk and being insane... I know all of that...

But reading those things-- my deepest, darkest, most vulnerable times, and having him tell me I will do all of that to my own kids, is almost too much to handle...

He's SO unstable and his lines about MY needing inpatient care are clearly a massive projection...
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain View Post
As soon as your lawyer's office opens tomorrow, get these to her.

He's a truly nasty, sociopathic, nightmare. You're not responding, right? Because this sounds like escalation trying to get any reaction from you.

I'm so sorry. No one should have to put up with that.
I am not replying at all. Not even to say stop. Nothing. Radio silence.

I am just grateful he lives 4+ hours away because I would be scared for my physical safety too tonight given his state if he was living locally.
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:22 PM
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If your daughter is not in therapy, I would suggest you start that now. If he's nicer to her when she talks badly about you, that is SICK SICK SICK and needs to be made known to a professional.

If he keeps emailing you stuff like this, he will end up hanging himself with his own rope. Take a deep breath (or several!), and let him do just that.

I too had a huge fear that I would end up like my (undiagnosed mentally ill, emotionally abusive) mother. That fear is gone - it vanished the first time I held my oldest son after he was born. Exercise self-awareness and mindfulness, and you will be fine.

But do please get therapy for both you and your daughter, if you haven't already. I can't say enough about having a good therapist, someone safe to talk to. Mine has changed my life.
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:25 PM
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Originally Posted by TropicalWinter View Post
If your daughter is not in therapy, I would suggest you start that now. If he's nicer to her when she talks badly about you, that is SICK SICK SICK and needs to be made known to a professional.

If he keeps emailing you stuff like this, he will end up hanging himself with his own rope. Take a deep breath (or several!), and let him do just that.

I too had a huge fear that I would end up like my (undiagnosed mentally ill, emotionally abusive) mother. That fear is gone - it vanished the first time I held my oldest son after he was born. Exercise self-awareness and mindfulness, and you will be fine.

But do please get therapy for both you and your daughter, if you haven't already. I can't say enough about having a good therapist, someone safe to talk to. Mine has changed my life.
My kids are in therapy-- the therapist knows what xAH is like-- but he's been making contact with the T lately and asking to take the girls to see her-- he has been to see her alone and has ranted about me endlessly to her (she reported this to me as she was concerned about some of his allegations). He wants to find someone/anyone who will believe his craziness...

I suspect that bc he knows the T does NOT believe him, that's making him crazier...
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:27 PM
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WTBH,

Get on that phone with your lawyer again tomorrow. Don't ever give this psycho any passes. Go after him with everything you have on him. The back child support, the 50% of medical care.

I just have to say that this ex is lower than pond scum.

I'm actually at a loss for words for how I feel about that predator right now.

I really am hoping that one day things work out that he has no contact with his daughters.

(((((hugs))))))
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:37 PM
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I'm sorry he's doing this, but really, it's part of a pattern of abuse.

I would have set up an email rule that directs any emails from him DIRECTLY to the mailbox of a trusted friend. If there's anything that constitutes an actual THREAT against which you need to protect yourself, that friend can let you know.

All this email is, is a way to hurt you. It isn't even a direct threat, just a lot of noise. Maybe once a month sit down with trusted friend and review them for anything you need to provide to your lawyer. I'm betting it will have less impact if you're sitting with a friend while you read them. It will help keep you grounded in reality rather than fear.

You already know that he is dangerous, so it's good to keep an eye on what he's saying, but there's no need for you to get letterbombed any time you open your email.
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:39 PM
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BTW, you're a GREAT mom, and have nothing to fear on that count. Sheesh, if making a kid do something they don't want to do constitutes abuse, every parent here is guilty at least five times a day!
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:44 PM
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I am doing 100% of parenting ALONE, I am working 60+ hours a week and I am stressed out of my mind...

Do I look exhausted when I have to exchange kids with xAH?

Yup.

Do the kids act out when it comes time to go with him?

Yup.

And those two variables seem to translate for him, into accusing me of abuse.

It's INSANE.
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Old 04-10-2016, 03:49 PM
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WRBH.....ask your lawyer who would be the best person to screen all of the e-mails.
Try the writing exercises.....and write---"I am not my mother"....write it over and over....
Your children are with a therapist--good...make sure that she sees the latest e-mail...

How about your therapy and support? Anyone who is going through what y ou are going through needs loads of support....You need someone who specializes in abuse and know how to treat ptsd....and, probably need a support group for abuse, in addition.....
You are powerfully affected by abuse from your past...from your caregivers and, currently, from your ex......
You need help and compassionate support to get through this...for the sake of yourself and for the sake of your kids, too.....

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