Originally Posted by
FireSprite 
I agree with you WTBH, and you're right to continue ignoring & documenting.
To flip this around & look for the good in it - he sure is showing you a lot about your triggers & inner demons, isn't he? You're stuck dealing with him insofar as the girls are concerned for years to come &
you already know that he isn't going to stop this abusive kind of tirade at you any time soon - so you could turn this into a kind of "making lemonade out of lemons being thrown at you" type of situation. Every time he triggers you and you identify/work through/heal something, you get another baby-step closer to your new normal & it'll get easier & easier to hear his "quacking" for what it is.
He won't grow as a result of all of this, but YOU can.
And you are a GREAT mom, don't ever doubt that.
This part in bold is SO right! In a bizarro world f'ed up way, he's provided me the opportunity to look at parts of myself I would otherwise not.
So, since I know that he intends to keep up this charade, I can deal with my triggers and be better equipped to cope.
I have found that speaking to others about the allegations he makes, lessens their power over me.
For YEARS I would hear the horrible stuff he said, and believe that if I repeated it, it meant that it was true-- so he would insult me to anyone and everyone around town and I never said anything.
Just last week he sent an email to the coaches of our kids sports team making all kinds of slanderous allegations about me.
The coaches replied stating they did not want to be in the middle of a "domestic dispute" and that we both needed to understand that no disruptions would be allowed at the kids events.
My reply? I attached the court order to the email and cc'd xAH as well as the coaches and stated that my intention was to adhere to the court order around the kids safety and that I did not anticipate any issues with the kids being released to xAH per the court order (the breathalyzer pieces)
The loser fails to realize that his attempts at slandering me will NOT work anymore and that I will reply, emotionless, with facts that relate to our kids.
His rant last night is undoubtedly retaliation for his slandering blowing up in his face.