Welcome to the community Karma
I'm very sorry about your father. Have you got any grief counseling? There is a grief forum here on SR too.
I find that the more I educate myself about alcoholism and recall the misery and hardships of other alcoholics/addicts in my family, the less I want to find out what my ROCK BOTTOM looks like. The rock bottom that got me here was enough, ROCK BOTTOM isn't necessary. I can see where I'm headed if I continue to drink, and that's all I need to know to understand why I need to recover now.
Drinking just brings more pain into painful situations. It also can have a way of retarding the healing process, keeping us stuck.