I'm pretty convinced that I'm cursed. People shouldn't know me - I've had way, way too many friends die and sometimes I recite their names over and over so that I do not forget any of them. Another friend passed last Saturday - he said he wasn't feeling well but I didn't know he was going to die from it! He had a heart attack stepping out of his shower.
I've lost two to overdose suicides in their 30s, one to overdose at 35, two heart attacks at a young age (both in their 40s), one went to sleep and just did not wake up, she was only 32, one to a double aneurism at 37, one was recently shot by the police (I did not consider her friend although I kind of lost it when I heard the news).
I don't know how to tell you to cope. I think of Laura all the time, nearly every day, I think of Matt all the time and try to understand and I feel like I'm suffocating when I do. I feel that part of my soul died when Laura decided either she was done with the world or it was done with her and I can never have that back and I'm never going to have her back either and seven years later I still don't know how to live with that.