Ok I'm back.
I kinda get how you feel to a certain extent sleepie.
I was a mistake too, my sister and brother have the same dad, and I was an accident while my ma was kinda being free spirited.
My sister, brother and pretty much everyone were pretty mean to me growing up, actually really mean to me.
I had severely low self esteem.
It was so petty that my half sibling's dad would buy the other kids ice cream and not me ( the only one standing there)
I know this sounds a rather pathetic thing; but to a kid this was really upsetting, and it wasn't just that- it was everything- even for xmas or my birthday I wouldn't get gifts except from my mother.
I had a severe inferiority complex- really bad, achingly shy.
I still isolate, I'm really incredibly friendly and chatty now- but to actually get close to me is nearly impossible.
I also understand the dirt poor thing- my mom and I were food bank people, I remember I embarrassed her when a neighbour invited us to dinner when I was a child, and I accidentally told them we had no food.
Not trying to make your thread about me, just trying to let you know I understand that feeling somewhat.
I remember one day it dawned on me that I wasn't worthless and completely below everyone- it was a weird feeling because I always felt that way.
I just met you and you probably already explained this somewhere, but how did you accurately self diagnose? That's quite clever.
Maybe I'm not helping! But I'm trying!