I'm really impressed with your continued courage, sleepie. I don't have much to say beyond that.
... Except I'd be sad to hear you started using again. I don't think people who use realize the loss it is to the world when they're wasted. You may not think much of yourself, but I get a lot out of your posts and just out of knowing that you're staying the sober course, in spite of your past & your neurology, contributing your thoughts, words and pictures to this weird little community. If you pick up booze & benzos again, all that just goes pffft.
Knowing addicts and alcoholics from both sides now, I know the goodness of a good sober soul like you, and the grief when someone like you picks up.
There, I said a lot. You made me!!!