Thank you so much for all you shared, for joining here, for opening up-- you come across as so thoughtful and strong and have been through SO much and have made such difficult choices for your own well being and Im in awe of it... I think in your shoes I would have had a hard time moving, taking the risks you did and being as brave as you have been.
I am in awe (in a good way!) of your story because of how strong and full of determination you are!
Originally Posted by
MsGreenJeans 
I suppose that I am struggling again now because I am moving forward with my life without him. And the program I am starting is in the city we most wanted to move to together. I do wish I could share this amazing news with him. But I am not tempted to contact him. Not at all. I don't need to learn that lesson a third time.
That was always what would draw me back to my xAH... I would miss having him as someone to share things with-- he was in my life for 2 decades and was always the one I wanted to talk to about new/exciting/good news... And a simple friendly chat would suck me back in during the many many periods of separation and then it would be harder to stay apart... So, you are very, very smart to resist that urge. Come here and tell us the good news instead!
The sad, sad irony of this period in my life is that I had denied myself a partner the whole time I was single parenting because I was afraid that I would choose a bad partner and it would adversely affect my child. So I waited until I was an empty nester to start dating, and I ended up with an alcoholic. <heavy sigh>
Oh I know this all too well! I have young ish kids still bc I had kids when I was a bit older, and I end things with potential dates the second I have any red flag feelings bc I am SO afraid of winding up with someone who is an addict again... You had NO way to know your ex fiancee was an addict. You were paying attn, you were attune to what was concerning, he hid it from you. There is nothing you could have done differently.
I've been so alone for so long. I feel like I could start dating again. I am afraid that I will choose poorly again. Thanks to so many of you I know the signs to look for. I thought I knew something about alcoholism before, but I didn't. I didn't know that a binge drinker could be an alcoholic. I had heard of functional alcoholics, but I didn't know what that looked like. I didn't know alcoholism was a progressive disease. But, I know better now. Thanks again for all your help!
So glad you are here-- so glad you posted!