Gosh wow thank you for the responses. I didn't get chance to get back on here last night. I've deliberately filled my days so I don't have much chance to get drunk as I nearly always have responsibilities the next day. I was busy right up to bedtime but them had a lovey snuggle with my boys watching TV. It's in those moments I feel content.
Dee - thank you again. Again you hit the nail on the head.
Hevyn - it's actually ridiculous now that I look back how I thought it would be fun. But I keep going back to it.
Anna - you are right. I'd been letting stuff get on top of me. I'd taken Easter off to spend it with my kids but we are struggling financially, due to my partners lack of work, and I was really resenting him for putting us in this position. I'd had to spend my birthday money on other people because I couldn't afford it myself.
Thomas - great question. My initial reaction was no not at all but actually I think there is something to that. I can have alcohol in the house for months and not be tempted to go near it but maybe there is that thing that it is there as my crutch for when I need it.
48heath. I drink a lot in one sitting and I know this is dangerous. When I was younger I didn't care so much but now I'm in my late 30s and when I stop and I'm listening to my heart thundering away and the sweats it does worry me that I'll end up having a stroke or something.
dogggoneone - maybe you are right. I completely missed the triggers. I need to be more careful.
Elle - thank you. xx