thank you Elle. I have actually come a long way from where I was. Before I had my 2 youngest children my drinking was really out of control. 2 pregnancies in quick succession seemed to be what I needed to get out of that trap but I still have these times where I just don't stop. I guess I was lucky in that it only lasted a little over a day this time (plus another day to get functional again) but it has been known to last for days when I get on one. It used to be a weekly occurrence so doing it once every few months is a big improvement. I'm just so frustrated with myself. I'd had no cravings and right up to the point he said he was going out it hadn't crossed my mind. I'm just angry with life in general atm. We've been going through a really rough time for over 2 years now and I'm angry that we can't seem to get out of it.