I didn't even think twice!
So my story is that my drinking has got to the point where I binge once every few months. Why I can't seem to stop it I don't know. My last drink was new years eve and I fully intended that his year would be the year it didn't happen again.
Saturday I was feeling angry. Everything was annoying me. Unexpectedly my parter announces he's going out for a drink with some friends and I found myself presented with the opportunity to go out and buy some booze. I did it without even thinking twice abut it. I ended up stealing wine from my mums house in the middle of the night because I ran out and I am mortified. My mum is understandably upset and I feel like a fool. I couldn't work yesterday because I couldn't drive and my children are a bit confused as to what happened. I spent all day Sunday in bed topping up the booze from the night before enough to keep me passed out.
The sad fact is though I enjoy it. When I am up in the middle of the night and alone with my wine (or whatever it is) for a few hours I know I am ok. It's all that comes later that causes problems. I was lucky this time. My partner managed to remember to do everything the kids needed doing so there was no homework missed or anything like that and aside from upsetting my mum and dad and missing a day in work nothing major happened. I'm lost today. I didn't sleep. the usual weird dreams and pounding heart. I know the drill by now. I'll be ok in a day or 2 physically but mentally and emotionally I'm tired of fighting it. I've had no temptation at all since new year but what was scary was the fact I didn't even stop to try and talk myself out of it.
Life is feeling really hard atm.