I'm exactly 14 days shy of 90, and I'm happily settling into a very new and different (sober) life. It's better than I could have imagined. I'm free to dream and do now.
I first logged in here at SR in late December, as I was counting down the days before entering a 10-day treatment program which isn't too well known in the states. I had a LOT of feelings and concerns about what life without alcohol would be like. Also many hopes and fears about whether the treatment would work. It helped to talk it out here.
So, it seems appropriate I'd start a similar countdown to my 90-day sober anniversary, which is when I plan to "graduate" from daily participation in this forum.
Right now, daily participation in SR is the only "remnant" of my life as an active addict. I believe it's extremely useful to allow a certain amount of time to think through and process a HUGE life change, like moving out of a life of addiction into a life of health and self-determination. I also believe it's healthy to listen to one's inner clock, and take "next steps" when it becomes time. Stagnation isn't how Nature works. Change is how Nature works.
The experience of living through and surviving addiction will always be a part of who I am, just like the experience of surviving cancer is part of who I am. The question before me now is, "What will the next phase of that look like? How do I take this painful trauma, which I've survived, and make it be a blessing to others?"
It is sobering (hahahahahahahah
) to re-read my early posts and relive the terror and grief of those days. I believed I was going to die.
Now, I'm sure I'll need to reiterate in this thread a few times that the treatment I received is different than how most addicts are treated. I was treated with a 10-day course of intravenous amino acid therapy. While this has been around a while, it's not "mainstream." It has a completely different treatment premise than cognitive-behavioral therapy, AA, counseling, or other standard approaches. So of course my experience has been different.
I'm not at all interested in boring debates about what treatment options are better so puh-leeze let's not start that nonsense in this thread, okay? It is
SUCH a negative snoozer, don't you agree?
And puh-leeze let's not hijack this thread, which is about hope and victory, to make it about fear and defeat.
I had a different treatment, a different experience, a different "flavor" to my recovery. My personal story is the only one I'm qualified to tell. And what a story.
My life, returned to me.