Having a painful night
I hope everyone on here is doing well. At nine months sober I thought I would feel a little better, or at least proud of myself, but I cannot sleep and I had the urge to drink earlier. It seems a dysfunctional relationship is making me feel bad, and I take responsibility for my participation in the relationship, but I am so afraid that I will be alone forever. My mind is all over the place and I do not know what to do. Although I am sober I feel like I have made terrible choices in sobriety, fear-driven choices, and that my life is ruined. I cannot think. This is the longest I have ever been sober and I feel like my mind is clearing, but the clarity brings to light so much in my life that still needs improvement. Tonight I can feel how alone I really am. I made huge mistakes in sobriety. Can someone maybe share their experience with making poor choices in sobriety? I do not like who I am with, I do not like where I am, and I do not like what I am doing. Everyday I grit my teeth and push through but I feel like I am living someone else's life. I want to feel motivated and get a lot if things done but the future looks hopeless to me. I want a year of sobriety to be a foundation for my life but I feel like I have ruined my life. I am 30 and I have no wife, no job, and the future looks grim to me. Do you think quitting smoking would help me make other positive changes? I just need help in getting motivated and having hope again. Thank you and I hope everyone on here is well.