Amy, thank you for the welcome! This forum has really been a Godsend, I would be completely clueless without it, thinking I was the one who was crazy.
Beccybean, I really appreciate the RA point of view. Itīs so easy to become confused and question myself, even now. Last night I was feeling nostalgic and wondered if I should let him know that I did care for him, and again explain why I couldnīt deal with the relationship anymore and bla bla. But then I found some texts from him from not so long ago, telling me Sweetie donīt be late and remember to send me the $$. And then some more requests for $$.
So with that, all sentimentality ended.
The last few months he was suggesting more and more often that I bring him alcohol, which I had always refused on principle. So I can see how that would eventually have become a real issue. When he had to work all day on his birthday and we wouldnīt see each other I offered to leave him his present at his place, and he asked if it was wine. I said no and then he said Oh never mind then, you can give it to me later.
I never got to give it to him, it was a very nice double music CD, I think Iīll just keep it for myself.