lizatola

I feel like my life is ever evolving. Always changing. And, sometimes it's 2 steps forward, 3 steps back.

I have been reflecting on the past year of my life and at how much change has occurred and I wonder how much change can we humanly handle?

What are our limits? Is it a personality thing where one person is way more adaptable to change than someone else or is it something that we all have to learn to press on through because we know the rewards are greater on the other side? And, are some folks just programmed to resist change more than others?

I look at where I was 18 months ago. Preparing to end my marriage through a divorce to my XAH, although I was emotionally ready to end it years prior. I was unemployed, homeschooling my son, living with the insanity of the disease of alcoholism. I was having back pain, stomach issues, all of which I just wrote off at the time, but now that those problems have cleared up I know it was because of the environment I was subjecting myself to.

I am on job #2. I have had to learn to live on my own and fend for myself all over again this past year. My son has had to learn to adjust to these changes, as well, while also adjusting to spending time with his alcoholic father without me being a buffer in the middle.

I have a boyfriend whom I'm crazy about and who I love and who loves me and treats me like gold. His children run out of the house when I pull into the driveway and greet me before I can even get out of the car! And, he and my son are bonding well and cracking jokes with each other all the time. We all spend a lot of time laughing together and it warms my heart. I never thought I'd be ready for this, and sometimes I wonder 'how the heck did I get here?'.

So, now more change is coming. In a few months, my bf and I will be living together. We're talking a LOT about things and we're talking to our kids, too, about the changes coming. Lines of communication are open and flowing and I have never felt like I could be honest with someone like I can with my guy; probably because I was living with alcoholic's for most of my life and I felt that I had to hide part of myself or walk on eggshells.

So much change, but all of it is good for today. I keep wondering if I'm going to hit a wall, if I'm going to just say STOP to these changes and reign myself in. Yet, on the other hand, I feel like I lost so many years in my alcoholic marriage that I am trying to be more open to new experiences and trusting that my HP has me right where he wants me and that if I make a wrong decision, I can trust HP to help me fix any mess I may cause in my own life.

Anyway, just musing about change and life and the 'How did I get here?'. the Talking Heads song just keeps playing over and over in my head right now, lol.