Thank you. You've all given me much to think about. Not that I wasn't already aware, but coming out of the shadows was a big step for me toward what I hope will be recovery. AA, RR, IOP and inpatient are all on the table for me. I'd prefer to do none and deal with it on my own but that clearly has not been working.
Dee and strategery, you've both keenly reminded me of my case of the YETs. I've had a few close calls over the years and if this has gone even slightly a different way. Perhaps I'd have gotten sober sooner, perhaps the consequences would have been devastating. I try not to think about that but I have to. I will strongly consider your idea strategery as it makes perfect sense to me - to the point I had actually given myself such ultimatums before yet bailed on them.
nomis, point taken. Thanks.
ItsJustMe, AA is on the table for me and I think I'll get to a meeting soon. I've said that before though. Congrats on day 6.
Delilah, the crappy work days/weeks are always a trigger for me. Logically I know that I can handle it better without the booze yet I keep on. Pure insanity. Congrats on day 78.
Delfin, you are completely correct. Diving in might just get me to see the light that I mentioned in my previous post.
MIR, thank you for your honesty. It is not the life I want. I believe the life I want (whatever it may be, I don't know) includes sobriety. I'm just struggling with complete belief, if that makes sense.
pressme, I will definitely do that. Congats on 53 days.
least, that's exactly right. I rarely hate myself so maybe that's what's holding me back?
I don't want to hit a bottom any further than I have. I know the elevator goes all the way down to six feet and that I can get off whenever I like. I still struggle. There are, no surprise, many emotional issues involved. I find myself borderline terrified of dealing with those rather than running from them. Though I have been to therapy in the past, I didn't get much out of it and have thought of trying again.
This is a bit long and getting scattered so I'll stop here. Thank you to all for reading and responding.