Cheers OT, appreciate your reply and the banter ;-) and yes those early memories are some of my greatest too - same era too that I first started going with my Dad - loved the football of the 70's and 80's much more than today. Remember your QPR favourites too, going with my Dad & Uncle from 7 to 11 and then with mates from there on in advancing quite rapidly to all over the country, spent many years going home and away every season, to be honest I've quietened down on it over the past 6 or 7 years and virtually knocked it on the head over the last couple of seasons as I've fallen out of love with the modern game match going experience somewhat but still go now and then so not going at all for the time being is not a massive issue, last night was only the second time since November, got myself in the same pre match fluster at the other game I went to though so guess there's the pointer to say knock it on the head.
Again once in the ground last night I was ok (until just before half time !!) its the build up to things (not just football) that really get my head wobbling and yes it has pretty much always been the way that football and drink and drugs have gone hand in hand, well since I was 13 - funny thing is I can actually remember everything from last night - same can't be said for most matches I've attended over the years, the football became secondary in reality to the drinking and drugs and days out / weekends away and abroad, I guess sticking to watching it at home is the best bet for the foreseeable at least.
Its the whole change thing that I need to get a grip of though in the fact that I need to change the way I am completely as a person if this is not going to drive me daft, I've stopped meeting up with all the lads - not a chance I could put myself in that situation and doubt I ever will if I'm honest, I'd be back on the lot within minutes, they understand and pointed out for a good while that there was a problem and all wished me well, time to move on but my personality is also ingrained in me and once I'm managing to get the mood up the old me seems to return I'm always too opinionated / loud / excitable - that side I have been trying to shelve but it keeps coming back to the fore and that's what I know I need to reel in to make this work, hence the need to try to work out what other activities and things I can do with my time - everything I've ever done revolves around drink and drugs and not sure how I can truly change into another person other than one that just doesn't drink - however that's what I've convinced myself I have to do to make it work.