I just spent the evening with the man I have been seeing for a while and literally in the course of 3 hours he just raised a NUMBER of red flags for me and I just asked him to leave and said I need time to think about things...
#1... three times about three different individuals he used phrases like "I know this person had x, y, z ulterior motive for asking me to do x, y, z"
#2... told ME after seeing that I was thinking about something he had said and was NOT responding instantly with a "it's fine" response, the following: "I can tell you are perceiving what I said the wrong way and my intention was ...."
I kept my cool and just calmly said that I was not a fan of being told what I was thinking/feeling by others and said that I thought it best that he go for the evening.
He then decided it was time to talk and explain to me how I was still not perceiving things correctly...
Lines used were:
"I guess if you're going to word smith and not give me the benefit of the doubt...."
"I am a good person and you misunderstood my intentions..."
"If you're going to tell me Im being a terrible person just because I did not use the perfect choice of words, then..."
Honestly I am beyond mad. At myself.
How did I miss red flags prior to this with this jacka$$?!?
Those lines are all things xAH would say back long before things got horrible with us, to justify his nonsense...
I literally have ZERO tolerance for being told that someone else knows better than I what I am thinking and feeling.
It is controlling, manipulative BS in my estimation.
But rather than go off about this, I just nicely ended the evening and said I needed time to think and we could talk later.
Am I totally off base to find those sorts of remarks off putting? Are they as controlling as they feel to me or am I unfairly attributing xAH's use of those phrases to someone who may be using them more innocuously... Maybe he's just stupid and thinks that's a reasonable way to view the world...
Im really upset and doubting my reaction to this and just needed to vent...
Thanks for listening.