I've been down with a virus this past week. It hasn't been too bad, but it's made me pretty tired. I've been getting home from work and falling into bed.
Last night I went to bed at around 7:00. Fell asleep just fine, but woke up at around 11:00 and almost instantly felt the oncomings of pretty significant panic attack. Heart racing, shallow breath, a fever-like heat spreading through my extremities, and an overwhelming sense that everything in my life was hopeless. It took all my will to keep from flipping out.
I know where it's coming from. A combination of the virus and all of the stress I've been under lately. My daughter just moved out, which is a good thing in some ways, but fraught with worry in others, and I don't think I'm quite ready for "empty nest syndrome" to set in. I thought I'd have my sh*t more together by now. I thought I'd at least have more friends to hang out with in her absence by this point. I think I'm just lonely. God that word sucks.
Anyway... I talked myself through the panic attack, (kind of proud of myself for that), and ended up sleeping fine the rest of the night. After years of being married to an alcoholic I guess I've gotten pretty good at riding out the storm when it comes to panic attacks. Still, I'm a little jittery going to bed tonight. I'm sure some of you out there have had one, and know how terrifying they can be.
So friends, please keep me in your prayers tonight, and wish me pleasant dreams. I'll wish the same for all of you.
