I think lot of us feel, or felt, that way Bunny - my self loathing and negative thinking predated my drinking by a long way.
It took a little while for things to change but they did
You're on the right road - there's no way I could have changed without being sober first
Here are some good links on negative self talk and ways to deal with it
Challenging negative thinking | ReachOut.com Australia Negative Self-Talk: 9 Ways To Silence Your Inner Critic Challenging Negative Self-Talk | Psych Central Positive thinking: Reduce stress by eliminating negative self-talk - Mayo Clinic Change Your Inner Talk From Negative To Positive
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