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Anyone else ever feel this way

Old 03-14-2016, 07:29 AM
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Anyone else ever feel this way

Do you ever think "Oh my God this is SUCH a struggle, I will never get to where I want to be. Maybe I am just a colossal f### up and I don't belong on this earth. If I am going to be miserable I might as well DRINK and be miserable drunk...better than being miserable sober."

Yeah that thought is running through my head today. I make crap money. Can barely afford my bills. 2 years ago I was making money hand over fist, had a nice condo outside boston, newer car, nice vacations, dinners with friends. I live on cape cod and there are no high paying executive assistant jobs down here. None. I'm barely getting by down here. But I am scared to move back up to Boston and that is where the jobs are. Maybe if I start dating someone who has their sh1t together I'd be ok...he could take care of me. I hate this panicky feeling of being all alone and having to take care of myself. I really need to stop eating junk, lose 20 lbs and date someone...then I'd be ok.

Yes...I see the insanity in all I have written. No, I am not going to drink. Just needed to vent.
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Old 03-14-2016, 07:32 AM
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I feel like that all the time. That's a big reason I drink .. to not feel those feelings.

However .. drinking hasn't solved a thing. Do the next right thing. Unhappy with your current circumstances? Think them through rationally... can you make any one of them better? I bet you can.
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Old 03-14-2016, 07:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Bunny211 View Post
Do you ever think "Oh my God this is SUCH a struggle, I will never get to where I want to be.
Yes. And guess what? I got to where I want to be. How?

Persistence, patience, and I learned how to squash the negative thoughts that were holding me back.
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Old 03-14-2016, 08:03 AM
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Glad your here Bunny. Focus on staying sober today and everything will work out for you. Just like Carl said, "persistence", and "patience". Very true. You can do it.
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Old 03-14-2016, 08:11 AM
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Though I often felt stuck in early sobriety, for the better part of the first two years, particularly in year one, I never considered that I'd be better off drinking. And I had persistent and withering cravings for about a year.

I applied for work each and every day for two years, and got a single interview. Gaps in my CV hurt, and my age certainly didn't work in my favor. Like Carl, I found a way to stick with it. I'd gained weight from day one until about three years later. My diet was poor and I felt unhealthy. But I was still sober. I reminded myself of the expression in the AA Big Book in relation to sobriety..."sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly." After running around and drinking, trying to keep the ship afloat during my three-year relapse (which was exhausting), it was time for me to slow down, including my thinking. I also recalled a bumper sticker I saw many years ago..."Remember, the tortoise won the race."

The entirety of my life needed to change, and I was acutely aware that I couldn't do it all at once. I was often miserable, and I took this as the price to pay for building a better life. After two years I got a job in my field, and was very happy to be working again. I've gotten several job offers since. Coming up on three years, I started working out to lose weight and get in shape. I then got involved in intensive training, which I've continued.

It's been said before, and I'm not saying this is you...putting down the drink is a great start, but it's only a start. Without working on living life the best we can, we risk remaining stuck in places where we'd rather not be. Despair and indifference often follow. I was involved in treatment and AA, and I tried to help other people when I could. This allowed me to change, but only when I was open to it.

It wasn't inner strength or intelligence that allowed me to start flourishing in sobriety, but my ability to adapt to change. From this, I learned to work through my fears, and to prepare myself for the inevitable disappointments and suffering that come with living life. Being open every day to doing something out of love, kindness or acts of simple human decency have also taken me a long way.

Waiting for things to happen was never my way when I've been sober, and I can see no good purpose for doing so now as well. I cannot emphasize enough my belief that it is the effort to change and getting into the process of change that can make all the difference, regardless of the outcome.

We are the authors of the rest of our lives. There is no script. We are always free to choose. This is a terrifying prospect for many of us, a road less traveled. But, I believe, the alternative is always much worse.
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Old 03-14-2016, 08:19 AM
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Bunny - you an me both - just posted a thread myself as I am having a few days like this right now too.

You mention eating junk - I'm usually pretty good with nutrition and a bit keen on it but to be honest lately this has been none existent with loads of sugar and rubbish etc - coincidence - maybe its not helping either of us - difficult to halt it tho when feeling like this but guess that might be an idea for both of us to try.
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Old 03-14-2016, 08:29 AM
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Yes Bunny. I feel that way sometimes, and have acted on it too with great great regret. We can only do this ourselves, right? Putting our hopes, or blame as in my case at times on another person, only hurts us and makes us run to the bottle. Our feelings are temporary, sometimes our actions are not. You can get through this.
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Old 03-14-2016, 08:46 AM
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I just read this and thought you might find it amusing...

"The big problem with the world is that all the intelligent people are full of doubts and all the stupid people are full of confidence" - Charles Bukowski

See? You're just smart, poor thing!
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Old 03-14-2016, 08:55 AM
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No matter how tough my day is drinking would make it oh so worse

Sorry today is a toughie Bunny xxx
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Old 03-14-2016, 09:03 AM
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Sounds kinda like what I think a female version of me would be going through.



I had a lot of thoughts of, "If I had a girlfriend or wife or even just a good lady friend that I could do something nice for, some flowers or another stereotypical thing, I would be sober and happy."

Got sober (or "dry" as might better be described), it didn't happen, and I got lonely and led myself to a massive relapse.

Keep going, I really like the serenity prayer myself.
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Old 03-14-2016, 09:24 AM
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the one thing that really struck me is this,bunny:
"Maybe if I start dating someone who has their sh1t together I'd be ok...he could take care of me. "

i dont think,deep down inside, you believe that to be a solution.
yes,you will get to where you want to be. that will take T.I.M.E.

i believe many of us have a wee bit of a problem with patience, which for me is all about what im thinking.

maybe its the depression i have, or maybe even some other mental disorder, but i can get that way occasionally get that happening.
best thing for me to do is realize its just screwed up thinking, my HP has awesome plans for me, accept it is what it is, and()......trudge.

9th step promises will materialize....sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
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Old 03-14-2016, 09:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain View Post
I just read this and thought you might find it amusing...

"The big problem with the world is that all the intelligent people are full of doubts and all the stupid people are full of confidence" - Charles Bukowski

See? You're just smart, poor thing!
He's my fave writer and I quite enjoy that quote xo
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Old 03-14-2016, 09:39 AM
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Beware of Destination Addiction... a preoccupation with the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job and with the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are.

Robert Holden

Since my daughter's death 1.5 years ago all I can do is be grateful for what I have and not live in the pain of what I've lost
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Old 03-14-2016, 09:58 AM
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Bunny211, nice post. I feel your pain. I fear drinking which brought me to this place but miss the escape. Remember the TV show "Cheers" I'm playing the theme song in my head. I'm lonely and miss my girlfriend. My last job paid over $200,000/year. Last week I got a pay check for $300. I don't even care about the money. It was good to do something and get paid for it. I'm 53 and like most have had a bumpy ride. . Loneliness has always fixed itself in time. As SGT. Schutz of Hogan's Hero's said "Women are like wars, there's always another coming along." I've never had that stable of income so that to fixes itself with time. There are always opportunities that come along in life, being sober will help you see them.

I've never looked to a man or woman to fix my problems. It's seems to me it might fix some problems but bring along a whole new set of them. Some things in life are to be endured. When they are passed you will be much stronger.
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Old 03-14-2016, 10:15 AM
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The quote: "Maybe if I start dating someone who has their sh1t together I'd be ok...he could take care of me. " resonated with me as well. I am male, and was dating someone who kept telling me to "get my sh1t together", that I'm an idiot, etc. Granted, she was making decent money ($500k/yr), and I own a business, yet was always getting put down. It's nice to be able to enjoy the fruits of your own hard work, but I was always put down because I couldn't do extravagant things at the drop of a hat. We were both alcoholics, and remember her saying she'd buy me a nice work truck if I can stay sober for a month. She made it a day. I did the whole month, and joked about the truck. I'm not ready to date. I've accepted that I need to work on myself more before I pursue a relationship.

Humans are trying to catch up with the pace of the world. Never in history do I believe we've had so much mental conflict in this realm. I'm always contemplating my existence and wondering how everything fits together in this world. What I do know is that we should all be seeking to improve. Kindness. Being good to one another. Friendships. I watch motivational speakers etc., and they all seem to point out the notion of 'passion'. The one thing that you would jump out of bed to do for free. Not everyone has that. My passions are fleeting, just as many other things may be in this life. It's not an easy answer, but it's good to have good people in your life. For now, my friends have been awesome.
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Old 03-14-2016, 11:06 AM
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I could be way off, but I think sometimes those thoughts are normal for people. Yes, I've had them. And I'm pretty sure I'll have them again in my lifetime. I think they only limit us if we allow them to become crippling. But a bad day is a bad day. Nothing more, nothing less. Right?
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Old 03-14-2016, 11:19 AM
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Normal thoughts Bunny.

Hang in there, don't use, keep at it.

Like others have said, this recovery thing takes time. Never mind the external stuff, I'm talking the emotional balance and emotional stability.

This
I
Must
Earn
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Old 03-14-2016, 02:08 PM
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Heck, no, I don't think that!!

"As a man thinketh...." (Or we ladies, too.)

Squash those thoughts. You're a work in progress on your way to greatness.
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Old 03-14-2016, 03:50 PM
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I think lot of us feel, or felt, that way Bunny - my self loathing and negative thinking predated my drinking by a long way.

It took a little while for things to change but they did

You're on the right road - there's no way I could have changed without being sober first

Here are some good links on negative self talk and ways to deal with it

Challenging negative thinking | ReachOut.com Australia
Negative Self-Talk: 9 Ways To Silence Your Inner Critic
Challenging Negative Self-Talk | Psych Central
Positive thinking: Reduce stress by eliminating negative self-talk - Mayo Clinic
Change Your Inner Talk From Negative To Positive

D
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