Sounds kinda like what I think a female version of me would be going through.
I had a lot of thoughts of, "If I had a girlfriend or wife or even just a good lady friend that I could do something nice for, some flowers or another stereotypical thing, I would be sober and happy."
Got sober (or "dry" as might better be described), it didn't happen, and I got lonely and led myself to a massive relapse.
Keep going, I really like the serenity prayer myself.