Though I often felt stuck in early sobriety, for the better part of the first two years, particularly in year one, I never considered that I'd be better off drinking. And I had persistent and withering cravings for about a year.
I applied for work each and every day for two years, and got a single interview. Gaps in my CV hurt, and my age certainly didn't work in my favor. Like Carl, I found a way to stick with it. I'd gained weight from day one until about three years later. My diet was poor and I felt unhealthy. But I was still sober. I reminded myself of the expression in the AA Big Book in relation to sobriety..."sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly." After running around and drinking, trying to keep the ship afloat during my three-year relapse (which was exhausting), it was time for me to slow down, including my thinking. I also recalled a bumper sticker I saw many years ago..."Remember, the tortoise won the race."
The entirety of my life needed to change, and I was acutely aware that I couldn't do it all at once. I was often miserable, and I took this as the price to pay for building a better life. After two years I got a job in my field, and was very happy to be working again. I've gotten several job offers since. Coming up on three years, I started working out to lose weight and get in shape. I then got involved in intensive training, which I've continued.
It's been said before, and I'm not saying this is you...putting down the drink is a great start, but it's only a start. Without working on living life the best we can, we risk remaining stuck in places where we'd rather not be. Despair and indifference often follow. I was involved in treatment and AA, and I tried to help other people when I could. This allowed me to change, but only when I was open to it.
It wasn't inner strength or intelligence that allowed me to start flourishing in sobriety, but my ability to adapt to change. From this, I learned to work through my fears, and to prepare myself for the inevitable disappointments and suffering that come with living life. Being open every day to doing something out of love, kindness or acts of simple human decency have also taken me a long way.
Waiting for things to happen was never my way when I've been sober, and I can see no good purpose for doing so now as well. I cannot emphasize enough my belief that it is the effort to change and getting into the process of change that can make all the difference, regardless of the outcome.
We are the authors of the rest of our lives. There is no script. We are always free to choose. This is a terrifying prospect for many of us, a road less traveled. But, I believe, the alternative is always much worse.