emilliananyc

Hi,

I thought the man I am with had been addicted to serious drugs in the past, and that he also had an eating disorder. Now, however, I realize that he was not addicted, he is an addict. Now I'm seeing how broad that is and what it means. We have a baby. I feel very scared.

A few days ago I discovered that while I was pregnant he had posted an ad to craigslist personals, and had fantasized about being submissive to a strong man and masturbated four times to this fantasy.

Is this normal addictive behavior? For a straight man?

I have no doubt that this wasn't his first time doing this.

I am a person who has suffered from anxiety in the past and right now I feel like I have to focus incredibly hard on not hyperventilating, giving up, and keeping calm. I've been sick at night since I saw this and I can't sleep. I do not have a father or a mother or a strong foundation of a family to support me. I am entirely alone.

I have been here for him. I do not shame him. But I am terrified of living in paranoia, worry, and anxious sickness.

I want so badly to have a happy family, but I fear that dream is lost.

Please help in any way you can. I really need your thoughts, advice, experiences....