WTBH.......this I know about narcissists (true narcissistic personality disorders or just really messed-up people)......it is futile to try to be nice, or "fair", or to appease....
The will never reciprocate....they will just take advantage of your "niceness' at every possible opportunity....
Firm, unyielding boundaries are the best bet....and, as l ittle contact as possible...
You certainly are not obligated to "share" that day of birth with him!!
I don't think he is allowed to come I nto your house, uninvited...!
can you get a no trespass order for him....if he breaches it...the police will remove him from the property (not arrest him...unless he gives them reason)...
(that is what I did, once).....
dandylion