Originally Posted by
redatlanta 
I'm sure you don't want the expense of it, though perhaps there wouldn't be a charge, but why not call your attorney and get guidance on how to handle this insane situation?
Just did-- she told me that without a crystal clear clause about what happens if he does not show, a court would assume I would be cooperative and act in the "best interest of the kids". But this is a pattern of manipulation and she told me that unless he contacts me in advance (ie: by today) each week and makes reasonable alternate plans, I don't need to be jerked around.... But it's a little gray... He is an abuser and control freak and this is NOT about the kids. This is about controlling me and them and it is abusive.
Could it be that if he fails to show on Friday that he forfeit's Saturday as well? Seems to me there is a "reasonable" clause within all divorce implied or explicit. Is it reasonable that you go about your day Saturday without plans or having to adjust them constantly because A-hole picks up the phone and decides "Now"? I don't think so.
I agree-- it is INSANITY.
I agree with Bluebird that you have got to put your foot down on this. Inch equals many miles with this guy. Find out your legal rights, and if it means he forfeits visitation then so be it. Your children will be ok with a couple of times it won't cause them any issues long term to not see him a schedule weekend or two. No, I would absolute not accommodate him to see her on Sunday. NOPE. This is the problem my friend, he preys on you and the feelings of your children. You do what's "right" in your mind for your kids, but its all wrong as far as what you get back out of it. I'd adhere to Fri and Sat as is in the decree. Until he shows that he can act like an adult and be amenable both ways in scheduling and accommodation I wouldn't budge one minute.
I agree-- sleeping on this gave some clarity. Time for me to draw the line and stick to it.
And if it were me ....I'd be changing the location of the party. If he has done it for two years you might as well write out a place card with his name. Maybe a friend would be willing to host, or move it to a kids place or even a park. Anywhere but where he can find you.
He does not know where it will be. THAT is the crux of this. He wanted to be there too- LOL! Not happening. And I have made it clear to DD that she is not to relay to him where it is-- that was a conversation had with the therapist last week and why safety makes it ok to say no sometimes. So, I have learned the hard way...
He broke into my house a year ago -- that was the disruption of her bday a year ago-- and there was a RO for much of the last year which was blissful. But his charges were placed on file and the RO went away with that so I do not have the RO anymore and am afraid, however, irrational, that he will show up at my home when DD and her friends are there after the party for her overnight part of the party....