Originally Posted by
JL2014 
Cococo I care !!!
I'm skipping around trying to post but ppl are crying, I'm hearing about things I've done to hurt my wife and underneath it all I'm trying to stay strong and her get a plan going. Gotta get better before we can work on us. It's very hard, very painful, and we both feel alone. Now when we have alone time, one of cries and gives a list of things the other one has done, and apparently were not forgiving one another enough, or at all. I told her once again therapy is in order because we've put things above "us" in importance til there literally is no "us" there. We both feel hurt and alone. This is horrible and I literally would rather kill myself than knowingly do this to a person. If I had done this on purpose and saw that, I'd be gone before anyone knew it.
Today is horribly sad, and I'm damn tired of sad.
It'll work out, but it'll take both of us, laying aside our beat down tools we use on each other either wittingly or unknowingly.
I feel like I'm in a bad place, but I'm just recognizing that being in a bad place drunk or DTing, is far far worse. I've had enough of that.
Sorry for the dark tone. Life is hard and feeling alone sucks. We've both done that to each other.
Sober sober sober
You're doing the right thing, and my husband has said some of the things you just did. We've been at this 'repair the damage' for a few years now, and I haven't helped by going into an alcohol spiral.
Please keep at it. Keep talking [and listening!], even though the crying is hard. Don't beat yourself [nor her] up too much about the past, just focus on the present.
A therapist definitely helps, if you find the right one!
It's hard with young kids, but really just making the marriage a top priority is key, even if the kids feel a bit slighted.
Hang in there, I definitely feel your pain. It's what I've been trying to numb with the booze.
Just took my first Campral!
edit:
"
I made so much more progress in one year by doing a few small things consistently than I did in thirty years of overthinking and massive to-do lists. I saw that my tendency to want things perfect meant spending most of my time pining for results or feeling overwhelmed by my own inaction. Ishita Gupta"
I like this quote, Auggie, I like it a lot. Thanks