I think you still cry for him bc you were with him for several decades, raised a family and had hopes of your life with him.... Sounds to me like the boundaries you've set and those your kids have set with him too are clear and he's choosing to be a selfish, addict who prefers enabling to his family...
It's so sad and I am so sorry-- but you are doing right by yourself and your kids (no matter how old they are you're still a model for them) by saying no to his nonsense...
My heart goes out to you