Often around here we hear the A’s are like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, duel personalities a using personality and a non- using personality. And at times both personalities come out without a moment’s notice. They jump from one to the other in a matter of 30 seconds causing chaos and wreaking havoc on the lives of those around them. A true mental illness erupting like a volcano when feeding it drugs and alcohol.
They are not at peace when not using and they are not at peace when they are. Those bad moods, feeling so tired and irritable become their norm and using drugs/alcohol becomes their go to solution for it.
My ex was clean/sober for 4 years when I met him. He was working a very strong program and his whole life was going in a positive direction. Good job, great pay, nice apartment new vehicle and a solid relationship. He remained that way for another 4 years but the pull the draw of addiction became greater than his will/commitment to remain clean/sober.
And that’s the thing most people including me never fully understood………….that draw to use will always be there no matter how much clean time or how great anyone’s life is going……they will always be one bad decision away from using……..and for the rest of their lives.
That feeling you had, the one where you learned 99 buttons not to push, then it was 100 that walking on egg shells feeling becomes a way of life when loving or living with an addict. They can be family, friends, lovers, spouses the relationship will always be based around THEIR moods, THEIR feelings, THEIR wants…..it’s really not fair nor is it a healthy kind of relationship to have with someone.
But WE feel obligated to them because they are our family or our friends. We then feel guilt when we stick up for ourselves and our feelings and wants. We feel guilt if we don’t want to be around them and tolerate their behaviors. We feel fear for them if we make the choice to do the right thing for ourselves by disengaging in the relationship, stepping back and away from their chaos. We convince ourselves that without us they’d really be in worse off shape but usually that thinking only keeps us hostage.
FOG
F=fear
O=obligation
G = guilt
Once we work through all of those we come out on the side of freedom and a new road towards happiness.
You are going to be fine, this relationship is one of those hard hardened life lessons that none of us wish we have to learn but once we do we become grateful with a new positive outlook on life.