its been nothing short of PTSD like reaction for me since having the police show up on my doorstep.
I'm no expert, but I wouldn't call it a PTSD-
like reaction, it
IS a PTSD reaction. I'll bet you don't even notice minimizing yourself in ways like this? It is incredibly powerful to Own your Story & call it by the right label. Your past with your Ex involves a lot of bad interactions with your local PD. That's real.
Maybe I'm being irrational but my experiences with the police in my town are that they are capricious at times, not altogether objective and it's a luck of the draw in terms of who shows us. My XAH is also drinking buddies with several of the local cops and there is no love lost between those few and me so I feel VERY fortunate a sane one showed up the other night, saw that the allegations were lies (since I gave him my phone and he read her harassing texts vs the other way around) and made the report to CPS...
You're not irrational, you're in a PTSD-mindset. This incident showed you the exact opposite of your "normal" experience with your local cops, right? But that's just one incident, like a drop of water compared to a river..... it's going to take time to get to a "new normal" with all of this. Think of this like a baby step in that direction.
Hasn't your Ex also gotten into more issues outside of you since your split? Wasn't it sort of public too? Maybe his alliances at the Dept aren't so loyal any longer, maybe they don't want to get dragged into his spiral. Maybe this new complaint on file (in your favor) shows them that hey, maybe it's been him this whole time after all? Maybe they simply aren't willing to risk their pensions to protect his eroding reputation.
Don't hold those assumptions as fact forever, things CAN change.
It's so devastating to see someone going down the same rabbit hole I fell into and stayed stuck in (by choice) for so long and to realize there is absolutely NOTHING I can do to help...
I agree. I have to visualize myself hula-hooping allllll the time.
You've done what you can, and found ways you could do it better if the situation came up again. The correct authorities are involved & no matter what, this incident created waves impossible to ignore.
You've got lots to process on your side though - the ending of this friendship & acceptance that it hasn't been working for some time, the projection of your own situation, the residual emotions & revelations.
So, time for my favorite question: What are you doing FOR YOU during all of this?
