And it doesn't matter whether I can tell or not. I don't matter to him anymore. I still don't get it. I don't get how you can just dump your best friend but it happens all the time, people even dump their spouses. Love turns to hate.
Because he's an addict. That's what addicts do. It's not a function of love nor hate. It's a function of the fact that his eyes currently face one direction: inward. If you were willing to enable him in his day-to-day life, he'd have a use for you. But you're not doing that, and in response, he booted you to the curb. It happens all the time, and I'm sorry that you're on the receiving end of it.
When people leave us, either voluntarily or involuntarily, we're naturally going to grieve. And I truly believe in some cases, that grieving never really stops. We simply adapt to a new way of living without that person. I can tell you from experience, Firesong, that my life since my AXGF kicked me to the curb has been a hell of a lot better than it was when she was in the picture. And the reason is because I chose to make it that way.
Grieve for as long as you need to. But make sure you're going forward in your own life while you do. Stay strong.