Mera, you have to do more than what you are doing now. Because nothing is working. You are suicidal and if you don't lose your life you are going to lose your kids. You have so many opportunities. A boyfriend that cares and an ex husband that will take your kids while you get long term help. Take advantage of that. Others don't have the opportunity. You are still young. Seize it. You know it will only get worse and it is bad now.