angel, you likely DO have grounds for a protective order, which requires him to leave. You've been unwilling to do that. But it IS an option.
Forget about "getting even"--I understand the urge to do that, but it won't fix your situation and is likely to make it worse.
This isn't about his new job, or alcoholism. This is classic intimate partner abuse. He has been treating you this way for a long time and it will continue. He's not going to wake up and appreciate you. Men like him are all about tearing you down for the sake of feeling powerful himself. You aren't a treasured partner, you are someone he can control. And he doesn't CARE how it makes you feel. In fact, it makes him happy if you are scared, insecure, and unhappy. It keeps you off balance, and him in the driver's seat.
There's help for this situation, but only if you're willing to take the steps to avail yourself of it.
I'm sorry things are so painful right now.