Wanting to want to......but not really wanting to --
That was the best I could muster for a darn good chunk of my first year - 4 to 8 months maybe. During that time, I figured all "sobriety" had for me was no drinking....and probably no drinking related troubles. The rest of my life looked like it would be pretty boring, frustrating and probably not worth much.
Once I heard for about 1000x that there was a TON more available if I'd just surrender and join up........and once it hit me that possibly the worst thing that could happen to me would be that I'd never drink again but never really RECOVER...... that motivated me to start taking those extra actions, like actually becoming a member of AA rather than an observer, someone who worked the steps rather than just bs'd about them at meetings, someone who was willing to work for a brighter future rather than just wish it comes on it's own.