Wanting to want it
not new to recovery by any means, but new to this website and new to getting sober "this" time around. been in and out of recovery and rehabs for 30 years now. last drink/drug was 6 days ago, which is the longest i've been sober in over 3 years. am still wanting to want to stay sober though, just going to meetings daily and reading the books so far, hoping that eventually i will want to stay sober. am stuck thinking that since it never worked the past 15? 18? times i've tried that it won't this time either, so why even bother. also the 'death threat' has never scared me, nor has the 'institutions threat', the only one that does worry me is the 'jail threat', but i am a stoic and know i could even handle that if i had to. anyway, i'm gonna just keep coming and hope eventually i DO want to stay clean/sober.