Hi Faithchaser..
I can 100% understand where you are coming from. I am right now battling a tug of war inside my head on do I go? or do I stay?
I myself am a caretaker and feel that if I am not here to take care of things, they won't get done. But then my "other brain" says..he is an adult. He knows what he has to do..he just knows I'll do it. Taking advantage of me and my love for him.
My AH is 90 days sober and is trying the 90 meetings in 90 days. He reads the daily readings of NA and is very dedicated. Anything that has to do with himself..of course he'll participate. He right now seems to think he is fine. No problems with him. Hello????? He is 90 days sober, he may as well be 1 week sober. He has got his little toe in the water and the "I know everything" addict mentality is all up front. He tells me the deadline in which, if we are not happy. Example: Everytime we get in an arguement, there is always a threat. I wait for it. It's always the same one. "If we are not better in 6 mos, we have real problems" or "If we can't get it together in the next month, I'm not dealing with this anymore." In one aspect, I truly feel that he knows he has something good with me. He won't go anywhere. Who else would stay with him during this period of finding himself and figuring out sane behavior from bizarre behavior?
Back to the point. I am struggling with just leaving him. We were good at one time, we haven't been for a while. Will it get better? I'm not sure. Will we be happy again? I'm not sure. Do I have time to wait? I will miss my opportunity to have kids.... I have been in recovery for 1 year, but only have made 6 al anon meetings. I find it depresses me. I want to speak to a couple that made it through all this behavior and how they are now. That would give me hope.
Sorry Faithchaser..I guess through your story I feel so familar, I got lost in a tangent.
I truly believe that the only person who can look out for your best interest is you. You have the power to make it happen. You have the power to do what you want. I want to get away, but when I get away, I want to be near him. I have an on-going battle..it seems you have made a decison. That in some way will create peace for you. You have decided. You can do whatever you want to do. You have a choice. You made it.
I hope I have helped in some way. I am going through such similar thoughts and feelings that I'm not sure if I can help in any way. Just know I do care and I do feel for you. Get your focus back on you!
I wish you the best.