Originally Posted by
Ariesagain 
P.S. You describe your ex as being a "child"... maybe there's a pattern here? Maybe just coincidence, but I myself had an uncanny ability to find guys who had all the same problems my father does.
The sad thing is....I was convinced I had broken the pattern of immature/irresponsible guys when I met him. He's the first man I have ever been with who...up until recently...put me and my son first. And who WANTED to get up and go to work and be the best worker that company has ever had. And he seemed so emotionally mature. He knows so much about psychology and always seemed so thoughtful and understanding. All of a sudden he is the opposite of all of it. And I now know that before we met he had gone through this many times. He was always so nonchalant about anything he ever did in the past like it was nothing, it was no big deal. But after talking with him recently...I find out that he has gone through this exact same thing many times. He says that this is the first time he's ever had a real reason to want to quit. And it has only been a few weeks, (after nearly a year sober) but so far I am not seeing him behave like someone who really really wants to quit. The right words are there, the crying at the right time, but he thinks he is getting away with pretending to be sober when he gets home from work, like I don't know how he acts when he is on his stuff or something.I think he took a little less than usual thinking that he would be able to hide it better that way. The only thing it did was make him a little less sleepy than he usually is, all the other symptoms and behaviors were there. If he comes home tonight from work and I can tell that he has taken something, I'm going to wait a few days until he is" sober" (I know I know, I just mean sober enough to really talk to)... and I am going to ask him if we can go to a support group or meeting around here together. And if he does not feel like he needs that, I will go to one on my own. And come here for help and support. And if he does not decide he really truly does want to change, I will start figuring out how to plan a life without him in it, as devastating as that will be. He makes most of our money because I can only work part time right now because of some issues my son has, so I will have to try and figure out a lot of things about how to take care of me and my son alone on my own. and yes his father is kind of a manchild, but he is sweet and since we separated 7 years ago he has shown our son so much love and done his best with him, so I know he would help as much as he could. I just hope and pray that my fiance really truly does want to change. And I am just now starting to learn about codependency And the part I am playing in all of this. For a long time I thought I was doing everything I could, or everything I could think of, but I think I was just going through the motions everyday and silently praying that it would all just go away somehow on its own. And no I do not want to be his mother, I even told him that. But I do want to be there for him if he really wants help. I want him to know he is not alone anymore, because that is what got him started on all of this in the first place was both of his parents abandoning him when he was a little child. so I do understand his issues and why he has always felt like nobody really cares or he's not worth anything, but I do care, and he is worth something to me. Now I just need him to be worth something to himself