Oliva, I’m glad you are on the mend!
Jhend, it’s fairly common to have cravings around milestones, maybe 50 is one that you subconscious mind is playing on in the form of dreams. Hang in there, most likely you will be on easy street by day 51!
Sandy, stress also plays a big role! After five years of marriage, I too was worried after trying for a year and not conceiving; it wasn’t until I started the testing process that I finally became pregnant. You are lucky in the fact that you have this time to get your body as healthy as possible before conceiving. I quit smoking during both pregnancies (16 months apart), but started smoking again when maternity leave was up. Be happy in the fact that you are going through the alcohol recovery rollercoaster now, so that you will be able to give 100% of yourself to the demands of motherhood when the time arrives!