Originally Posted by
Wisconsin 
That sentiment might be worth investigating with your therapist. I know for many of us, that feeling was at least partly rooted in our feeling that after putting up with so much crap, we deserved to be the ones who got the good stuff after someone got sober. And I don't think that's a particularly healthy reason to want someone to stay. For me, at least, I felt that way when I was still pretty sick myself--it came from me feeling like I was better than and superior to my STBXAH in some ways because I wasn't an addict, and that he owed me something because I had stuck it out for so long when things were so bad.
That is an interesting insight. I'm not sure if that's the place it's coming from for me? I don't think I'm feeling superior to her at this point. I know how sick I was through all of this and feel like I have a pretty good handle on what my part was in contributing to and prolonging the chaos in our lives. It's more like, okay, if she doesn't want to be in this relationship in the middle of an addiction relapse, then I have something tangible to blame it on. But if she's healthy and still doesn't want our relationship, then that's more of a statement about me, and makes me question a lot of where I thought we were and the common ground that I thought we shared, you know? Not that these things were or weren't an issue when she was in active addiction, but more that it's just easier to have something else to blame things on, and not have to feel as much that we were on completely different pages and didn't even realize it.