I'm so very sorry you are dealing with all of this. First of all, let me tell you, without a doubt, that his attempts to blame his drinking and depression on the fact that he "doesn't want to be in a relationship" with you is complete and utter bullcrap. Totally typical alcoholic deflection and projection.
So many of us here have stories of "soul mates" and "more than just typical love" when we met our alcoholics. I sure do. I knew my STBXAH in middle school and high school, and we dated briefly in 12th grade, only to lose touch and reconnect 15 years later. Oh yes, we were so much more in love than anyone else. He was sober and in recovery at the time, and he would talk all the time about how he had waited to get married because he wanted to make sure it was with the right person, etc. I heard all about how I made him a better man, how I was the most amazing person, how our love was so rare and unique.
Six months after we got married, I was pregnant and it was obvious he was relapsing. After a few years of increasingly ugly emotional abuse, while I was still in my full-on co-dependent snooping phase, I went through his phone and found a series of text messages between him and his best friend, about how women were only good for one thing, neither one of them wanted to be married anymore, blah blah blah. So I know how devastating that kind of change in attitude is.
But don't for one minute think it is your fault. This is HIM, and his disease.
I hope you will consider finding some Al Anon meetings, and reading as much as you can here. It truly saved my sanity. And let me share with you something that I have come to understand in the wake of my separation and soon to finalize divorce from my alcoholic husband.
Romantic movies and books and television shows want us to believe that we have the rarest loves. That we meet our soul mates, and everything changes, and it's magic. I believe in deep love, in monogamy, and in putting the work in to a relationship to make it flourish and last. But you know what? I don't WANT love to be rare. True, deep love is something that I hope everyone finds and experiences. The times in my life when I thought my love was so much better or more special than others were times when I was unhealthy, co-dependent, and pretty much crazy. And that "terminal uniqueness" I felt about our love played a really big role in why I put up with so much for so long.
Bottom line? Be glad you did not marry him, and do not have children with him. At least not at this point. Who knows? Maybe he will find recovery and sobriety, and you will reconnect. But you can't force or control that. All you can control is your own choices, and your own reactions to things. Keep your focus on you, and living an emotionally healthy life.
